solution.

“Most people do not care what you have to say.“

I am constantly being reminded that not every complainer seeks solution. Most people choose to stay exactly where they are, no matter how much you try to “help.” Their complaints become a state of being instead of a temporary circumstance to overcome. They sit in the misery or inconvenience while refusing the tools that would significantly change their situation. The main tool being, perception!

I am a solution based conversationalist.

By this, I mean, when someone tells me about a problem: I am going to filter through my experiences and offer solution, another perspective or a simple change in mindset to make the situation better for you, in an attempt to help. Too often, I find that the problem is not external but internal; and most people can not look into themselves. They may be aggravated by a person, place or thing but all the while, they are doing nothing to change the circumstances or outcome. Something as simple as a change in perspective is asinine to them and falls upon deaf ears because they are more comfortable in a state of discontent than solution.

So, I now find myself asking, “Do you just want to complain or do you want solution?”

I do this because 9 out of 10 times, people just want to complain and if you don’t respond in a way that justifies their emotions, they do not want to hear what you have to say. They dismiss anything that doesn’t suit their agenda. They live in an insatiable state and your words only increase aggravation. ESPECIALLY when the solution lies within them. God forbid, we are the problem.

Ahh the “insatiables”

We have coined this term in our house because there are numerous people in my life that are never satisfied. You can not make them happy or remotely close to content because their mind lives in a state of disappointment. Someone can do everything exactly as they asked and yet something will always be wrong, creating a discontent inside of them that can not be resolved. What they don’t know is that THEY don’t seek to have it resolved! They just want to complain.

The state of unsatisfactory is their being. What a sad place to voluntarily stay!

Story time – Nothing is worse than being ready to go and finding your car won’t start. I get it. [I’ve dropped a few F bombs on account of it!] But, a friend of ours would complain about having a dead battery almost every time we talked. At doctor’s appointments, grocery trips, visiting relatives, anywhere.. The battery would die and then through the agitation and anxiety, they’d have to find someone to jump it off which only amplified their anxiety. We’d say, you should get a jump box: simple little contraption you hook to your battery and you’re up and running without any interactions necessary. We said it every. single. time. “a $40 box” that would help until they could afford a battery. For the cost of 1 take out meal, invest in a jump box. Continued complaints and we offered this advice so much that we ended up just buying them one. Afterwards, I told Kevin that I’d thought about canceling the order BECAUSE he did not want solution. If he did, he would have bought it after the first time we suggested it.

The key here is that he was not complaining because he was seeking solution! It was just another thing to complain about. In buying it, we only decreased the likeliness of us hearing this particular complaint again! Selfish, maybe. But my intent was to show easy solution. Something simple that would greatly decrease the anger and aggravation.

Our intention to help others does not always translate that way. Holding the door for an elderly person can result in a snap back of, ‘I can get it!’ Offering to pay for someone’s meal can be met with hostility because they believe we felt they couldn’t afford it. Giving someone another perspective on an offensive conversation can result in them not feeling heard, putting you in the same category as the offender.

Everyone goes through things but it is OUR responsibility appreciate and find the bright side. It is too easy to get sucked into negativity and the second you breathe positivity into any situation, it is often ignored. People don’t want to complain to someone who offers solution, they find it infuriating. Weird.

I say all that to simply say, it is hard to find the blessings when you’re constantly harping on the burdens.

A change in perspective can change everything.

Byeluhyou.